"How was your weekend?" I hate that question, especially before noon with little coffee.
Actually, I watched ALOT of football this weekend. Which also means I saw alot of commercials. What do stupid men and football have in common? No...it's not that the first likes the second. The answer is that they both appear on TV. Frequently on the weekend. Very frequently.
I just started getting into football last year, after discovering the genius that is Aaron Rodgers. Since then, I have depended on the kindness of strangers (Twitter) to teach me the game. I say strangers, because my real-time friends want little to do with me. I am a Chicago fan of the Green Bay Packers. I am a cheesehead. Since I'm a "newbie," they chuckle at my lack of life commitment to men running around knocking each other down to run a piece of bloated leather down a field. So what if I use to wonder how the scrimmage and first-down lines appeared and disappeared on the TV field so quickly? My neice told me it was "magic." I think she was making fun of me.
But I digress.
Oregon at Stanford Saturday evening...what a game! I've been watching Oregon since the start of the season. My original question was what kind of team would have a Donald Duck look-a-like as their mascot? Answer: a really good one. QB Darron Thomas made some great passes. And RB DeAndre' Thomas legs were blurry, he runs so fast. WR Huff looked like The Flash. Oregon (then #7) beat Stanford (then #3) 53-30. Now Oregon is #4 and previously unbeaten-in-a-really-looong-time Stanford is #8. Seems to me that Stanford's players couldn't even run on their own turf, which appeared to be grass in need of a mow.
Fortunately, my manhood journey hasn't depended on being a football fan. Everybody has different values and different expectations that they place on "being a man." Media streams often ask how to define the qualities of a good man. I do however, know how to immediately identify a stupid man. On TV, anyway. So for my fellow television-watching partners, I present two examples of a stupid man: the first, un-realistic, and the second, very realistic.
Stupid man example #1: This man can't exist! He has a power washer that he is obviously using for the first time on his outdoor deck. He puts on his googles, turns the washer on, and the hose goes bezerk. Water sprays everywhere...ON THE DECK THAT HAS A TABLE TWO FEET AWAY SET WITH PLATES, NAPKINS, UTENSILS, AND DECORATIONS! Of course everything is destroyed. The wife obviously left the scene. She should have taken the table settings with her.
Stupid man example #2: Love that ATT taco commercial! Guy comes upon party outside Bill's office that he didn't know about. Chubby guy likes tacos (as he holds packaged sandwich in his hand). Poor thing. Doesn't know why he wasn't invited, yet Eric was. Guy tells everybody that Bill told him "Eric gave you the creeps." Eric looks puzzled. Bill looks shocked. Others look uncomfortable. Guy's cell phone suddenly beeps. It's a text invite to the party. If only he had ATT, he would have gotten the text earlier! Ooops! Cut to Bill, whose face reads "You. Me. Outside. After work."